New year – more to say!

January 4, 2007 at 10:57 pm 1 comment

It occurs to me that I’m not finished yet talking about the New Year. Especially when I reconsider the positive, light-bringing blogposts by fellow travelers, to which I referred in yesterday’s post.

Sunni’s train of thought led me to comment thusly:

You’re touching on some beautiful AND powerful ideas here. And they’re all as true as you make them.

A few years back, I had a revelation…that I was, at that time, the person (and better) I’d struggled to dream of being years earlier. I realized then that whatever I choose to imagine now, if I’m faithful to it, is indeed what I’ll become in the future. Dang, it was mind-blowing. Still is.

It was a winter day, I think in 2002, and I was writing in my journal, mulling over the changes I’d been seeing in my life. I was married at the time, had recently moved into my first house, was starting a big garden, and working in spare time on finishing the backyard shed as a workshop.

As my thoughts wandered back to 1992-93, when I was suffering pretty heavily with depression and feelings of worthlessness, memories floated in – of the dark-green, new-smelling VW Corrado sports car I yearned to be driving (I’d had to give up my old car), the house and studio by the sea I dreamed of designing and building, the satisfying creative career and relationship I didn’t see how I’d ever find or make.

Already burned-out from working full-time while in college, I resisted like hell the idea of working for anyone else, but I wasn’t savvy enough yet to work for myself. So I avoided work as best I could during that phase of my life. It wasn’t laziness – I longed to throw myself into some passionate life work – but I just couldn’t deal with the only options, namely dead-end J-O-Bs, I saw open to me. It still hurt, years later, to recall the despair and numbness of those days.

Then, all in a moment, the realization struck. Details aside, I had become the confident, financially stable, work- and love-satisfied woman I desperately wished to be, ten or so years earlier. Okay, the house wasn’t by the sea, the new car wasn’t a green VW. But somehow I’d managed to manifest the big picture. I had actually done it!

And the way I felt about my life in 2002 – serene, cheerful, free – was exactly what I’d envisioned in those days when I couldn’t imagine how to experience it yet. I was a woman my 1992 self would have been thrilled to become, and I’d had adventures she could never have invented – except that she did invent them as time went on, as she worked her way up from hitting bottom.

Whoa. I mean, WHOA. Be careful what you wish for! Hell, yes. It will be yours!

And even more boggling to the brain, in a wonderful way, was and is this corollary – whatever I’m imagining, dreaming of, envisioning now, this very minute, that’s what will be coming down the pike in a few short years, maybe sooner! Damn, too – what I can imagine today is so much more powerful and free, and world-altering (to my own little world, anyway) than my simple dreams of years ago!

This is what the idea of a New Year means to me, deep down, when I can manage to reach it and climb into its powerful secrets. Who cares if the date is arbitrary? (I personally like the Celtic way of celebrating the new year at its darkest hour, at Yuletide.) The ritual – that is, the human intention and meaning behind the ritual – is the thing.

Call it resolutions or creative visualization or whatever.  Once a year (at the very least!), I need this refreshment of intention, this rededication to what can and will be.

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Free Your Mind, Writer's Life.

Congrats, Ali! Rant constipation

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Sunni  |  January 5, 2007 at 2:18 pm

    Stimulating post, Taran! Last year—2006, the first I’ve had for quiet contemplation of my holy day preferences—I realized that I’d prefer a solstice celebration too.

    More to the point, though, it sounds as though you’re talking close to magick for materialists. Believe I found that at Jomama’s place. Thanks for reminding me of it.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Recent Posts